Survivor Season 28 - 2014

One of the only seasons in the twenties to not feature any returning players, Survivor Cagayan at least had a killer gimmick. “Brawn vs Brains vs Beauty” is a fun idea: pit a tribe of muscle freaks against a bunch of dweebs, and throw some models and cheerleaders on a third tribe for good measure. More to the point, what happens when one tribe is favored to win challenges, one tribe has good strategic play, and the third can run a stellar social game?

Well, the answer is that the brains biff it immediately. They can’t even do puzzles! A professional nuclear engineer destroys the tribe’s entire rice supply during a temper tantrum, and Team Genious keeps her around to blindside others. Savvy move, Poindexters. They hit a tribe swap with only three members left, but thankfully these three know how to play the game and put up a hell of a fight. My favorite player of the season, no-nonsense lawyer Kass, was a brain, and the way she broke alliances knowing that there was a lot of game ahead was very refreshing.

At merge the beefcakes reigned supreme, and they got to work decimating the pretties. Beefcake-in-chief was Tony, a hyperactive and paranoid cop who charmed and lied his way to victory. I have gone in depth on the differences between all-time Survivor heavyweights Boston Rob and Russell, and Tony is like a weird hybrid of the two of them. He inherits Russell’s absolutely shameless penchant for lying, and obsession with finding immunity idols prematurely, but he has the charm and magnetism of Rob. Tony left his own mark on the game by constructing a “spy shack” out of palm leaves next to the water well to listen in on private conversations. Evidence is shaky that he ever actually made use of it, but you gotta love where his head is at.